Moving On
Moving On
8 Steps to Moving on From a Relationship
Most individuals would agree that you can’t always choose who you love. However, you might wish it wasn’t the case in some situations.
Maybe you adore someone who doesn’t share your feelings.
According to Dr Emma Fitzgerald, a marriage and family therapist in London, “the longing that comes with one-sided love can undermine emotional well-being and bring a lot of suffering.”
Perhaps you adore someone who consistently shows that they are not interested in your best interests. Perhaps you and your partner adore one other but have too many differences to sustain a long-term relationship.
Love is a complicated emotion regardless of the situation. Even when it’s evident that a relationship isn’t working for you, it might be difficult to turn off your emotions.
In this article, we provide the 8 Steps to Moving on From a Relationship that can assist you in getting started.
Recognise the reality of the issue
Optimism isn’t a bad quality to have. In fact, the ability to maintain hope in the face of adversity is often regarded as a measure of personal fortitude.
When it comes to troubled relationships, though, it’s better to think about the now rather than the future.
Your loved one may not share your sentiments. Or perhaps you are wildly in love during intimate moments but disagree on almost everything else the rest of the time.
Think again if you think giving up on a relationship or affection for someone means you’ve failed. Recognizing this needs courage and self-awareness. You’ve taken a step forward in your personal development.
Recognising that your relationship isn’t going anywhere won’t make your sentiments go away overnight, but it’s a step in the right direction.
Determine relationship requirements — and deal-breakers
Examining what you want from a relationship, as well as what you don’t want, might help you spot the signs that a potential partner isn’t the right fit.
Assume you and your FWB are having a great time. You will feel more connected as you spend more time together. You know you’ve fallen in love with them eventually.
If you value communication in your relationships, their failure to respond in a timely manner is a pretty clear indicator that you’re not a good match.
You can have an easier time getting over your feelings if you realise the ways someone you love doesn’t fully match your needs.
But there’s a major problem: days, perhaps weeks, go by without you hearing from them. You send them Facebook messages and see that they’ve been online, but no response.
If you value communication in your relationships, their failure to respond in a timely manner is a pretty clear indicator that you’re not a good match.
You can have an easier time getting over your feelings if you realise the ways someone you love doesn’t fully match your needs.
Accept the value of the affection you received
“Some loves may stab at your heart forever,” Emma warns. “Some relationships weave through the inner makings of who we become, especially those that were a vital part of our evolution at key points in our lives.”
When you let go of a significant love, you may feel as if you’re also letting go of everything it used to be. However, attempt to take advantage of the chance to highlight the positive aspects of the partnership, including any lessons learnt. Validate your emotions. Allow them to have a place in your heart.
Denying your feelings or their importance can keep you stuck. Honouring your experience and allowing those overwhelming sensations to fade into the background will assist you in finding peace and moving forward.
Furthermore, understanding your love’s past significance can assist you in seeing how it is no longer helping you.
Consider the future
You can be limited by love for an ex or someone who does not reciprocate your sentiments. You’ll have a hard time finding happiness with anyone else if you’re focused on someone you can’t have a relationship with.
Casual dating can help you understand there are plenty of amazing individuals out there, even if you don’t feel ready for something serious.
When you do decide to date more seriously, finding the appropriate companion can be difficult. It usually takes a while. Dating issues might make it all too easy to focus on the person you already care about.
But, even if it’s difficult at first, commit to looking forward rather than backward.
You may still need time to work over your residual attachment if no one feels quite right. It’s totally acceptable to have casual relationships while working on this project. However, maintain your integrity in these situations: Be honest about what you’re seeking for and what you can currently provide.
Prioritise other relationships
When people are grieving, they often “forget” about other crucial ties in their lives.
As you attempt to heal, your friends and family can provide you with support. They could even have some useful advice or wisdom to impart based on their own experiences.
If you’re trying to recover from the effects of a toxic relationship, loved ones can offer support and advice. Simply pay attention to how you feel after each interaction.
If you feel like someone is condemning you or your decisions, or making you feel awful in other ways, it’s a good idea to spend less time with them.
Make time for yourself
When you’re in love, you could make minor (or major) adjustments to your appearance or personality to match what you think they desire in a mate.
Consider the pieces of yourself you’ve pushed down, denied, or changed. Maybe you dressed up a little more than usual, took up a sport you didn’t care for, or abandoned your favourite hobby.
Or maybe you stopped asking for what you needed because you avoided truly expressing your emotions.
Do such adjustments make you feel at ease? Consider the aspects of yourself that you may have easily lost in the relationship as a way to lessen affection for someone who didn’t truly love you for who you are.
Make Space for yourself
This may appear to be an obvious step, but it is critical.
Distance might be your best friend when you’re ready to move on. Even a single text, phone call, or Snapchat can revive feelings you thought you’d put to rest.
If you share custody of children or work together, you may want to avoid contacting the individual until absolutely necessary.
If you and your buddies used to hang out a lot, it would be best to spend time with different friends for the time being.
You might wish to keep your friendship going. If the relationship was healthy, that’s not a bad objective to have. However, wait till your love’s intensity has faded. Otherwise, you risk inflicting unnecessary agony on yourself.
Recognise that it may take some time
Love feelings can and can fade, but it isn’t always a quick process. And it’s quite natural to be in a lot of pain in the meantime.
Here are some pointers to assist you to get through this:
- Be kind to yourself.
- Advise yourself on what you would tell a friend in a similar situation to practise self-compassion.
- Recognise that it’s normal to be hurt.
- Remind yourself that the discomfort will pass.
It’s not dumb or faulty to love someone who isn’t right for you, even if they have hurt you. It’s easy to find the good in people and wish for them to change. It takes time to adapt your perspective and accept that they are unlikely to change.
Consult a therapist
Emma observes, “Matters of the heart can get us where it really hurts.”
She suggests going to counselling if you’re having trouble with:
- Having difficulty living your life as you normally would
- Feel confused about your emotions
- Finding yourself in a dark place
- Have difficulty embracing or admitting your feelings
Therapy provides a safe, nonjudgmental environment in which to examine emotions and discuss ways for dealing with them effectively. A therapist can also teach you coping techniques to help you control your emotions until they subside.
It’s always preferable to get expert assistance as soon as possible if you:
- Having suicidal thoughts
- Feeling helpless
- Suffer from depression or anxiety on a regular basis
If you need help now
If you’re considering suicide or have thoughts of harming yourself, you can call the Samaritans on 116123.
The 24-hour hotline will connect you with local mental health resources. If you don’t have health insurance, trained specialists can also assist you in locating treatment resources in your state.
Outlook
Humans are one-of-a-kind creatures with complicated emotions. It’s difficult to simply turn off your feelings, no matter how badly you wish to stop loving someone.
Those feelings will always be with you in some form. Love does not always vanish simply because we wish it to.
Even if you can’t completely stop loving someone who doesn’t love you or has hurt you, you can regulate your feelings in constructive, healthy ways so they don’t hurt you anymore.